Community is beautiful

I haven’t written on here in a while, because for a time, it seemed nothing worth writing about came to mind. Then, I began to feel overwhelmed at the idea of “catching up”. So I’m not going to catch up, at least not today. I’ll do that in a later post. For the moment, I’ll just write about right now.

The Backstory

     

4 months ago we welcomed the most beautiful, sweet girl in to our home. Alivia is a joy, and causes our home to be filled with more silly noises and made up songs than we know what to do with! Last month I returned to work. While I did not want to leave my precious girl, it had to be done in this season of life and we were blessed with loving caregivers for her.

     

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind as I have returned to work in the middle of a horrid winter wrought with nasty colds and other sicknesses in children and parents alike.  We have had several quick changes of plans as the kids (of her sitters, as well as Alivia herself) have gotten sick. In addition, one of her sitters has their home for sale and must make quick adjustments to allow for showings and meetings with realtors as is necessary to sell the home.  These somewhat frequent changes have been a bit stressful and felt a bit chaotic to me as I feel the pressure (from myself, not others – my boss has been very gracious and patient) to be back at work and do my job well.  On the other hand, each time plans have needed to be changed or arranged I get the urge to give up and simply “call in” so I can stay home with my girl, because, I really really like her. (I have not done this, but the urge has been there).

It was just last week that I sat with my community group girls and confessed my struggle to want to "have it all together", to not be stressed by these things, or better yet, for the adjustments to stop and allow everything to be smooth. They lovingly told me I could ask for help, and I stated I didn't want to always dump on my friends. While this is very true, I have also realized in the ensuing week that part of my struggle is I don't like to be needy, to feel like I'm falling apart. Funny, I think that's exactly where God wanted me to be. 

                                                            

Why I love my community

So yesterday, at around 4pm, one of Alivia’s loving caregivers called me to let me know that due to the chaos in her life while they  are selling their home, she is unable to care for  Alivia until after their home is sold. Their schedule has been crazy and it seems it was only going to get crazier during this process.  Unfortunately, and beyond anyone’s control, because of this pandemonium, she was going to have to stop watching her immediately, in order to care for her family and be able to help get their home sold. I completely understood.  However, as I got off the phone I felt completely stressed and overwhelmed once again at finding someone who could care for our daughter in the way I would want her cared for. I broke down.  On the way home from work, I called a young lady who had previously spoken with us about watching Alivia. I asked her, through tears, if she would consider stepping in to the situation and helping us during this time as one of Alivia’s babysitters.  Her loving, gracious response comforted my heart as she agreed to speak with her husband and her boss at work.  My next call was to my Mom. As I explained the situation and my stress to her, she calmly and patiently did what she does so well – she pointed me back to Christ. In a matter of moments she prayed for me, and  reminded me of God’s faithfulness in my life, of my need to trust Him, and that my daughter was His child, far before she was mine.  She gently pointed out that I needed to relinquish control, because He can care for her far better than I can, and that even in the mishaps of the previous weeks, He has provided.  I nodded to her words of comfort through the phone and was quickly aware that my desire to fix things so often means that I don’t pray and seek Him until I’ve already tried it my way.

     

I picked up Alivia from her babysitter, gave her a general overview of what had happened with the other girl so that she could be aware and then headed home. I decided not to send out a mass text to my community group girls until I had calmed and spent some time praying.  Shortly after arriving home, the babysitter we had just left called and let me know that if I needed her to step in during this week as I rearranged long term plans, she was available. I don’t know if she knew how much it comforted my heart.  I begin praying as I was caring for Alivia. A little while later, I felt like it was time to text the girls in my community group and ask them to pray with me. I didn't ask them to care for her, just to pray with me and for me (which might sound crazy since it was after 5pm at this point and I needed a caregiver for the next day).

     

Within moments of my sending out the text message, one of the girls in my community group messaged me, offering to provide care for Thursday of this week (the other day I needed covered).  Over the next hour or so another girl offered to care for her today, another still contacted babysitters she knew to see if they were available to help, then provided me with their information.  Others called or messaged to let me know they were praying, empathizing, and offered comforting words. Words that they had no clue were exactly what I needed to hear.  These amazing ladies rearranged their schedules in order to love on our family, dropped what they were doing to help find solutions, offered their time, and took me before the Father.  They encouraged, strengthened and blessed me in ways they may never fully understand. I was quickly reminded as I sat down with my husband last night how difficult it could have been, how stressed I might have been, and how completely faithful our Father is.  When I stopped trying to fix it, He worked out the details in a way that was far more perfect than anything I could have done if I had stayed up all night trying; and He graciously cared for my heart through these women at the same time.

   

I am still working out the details of how Alivia will be cared for long term, but for this week we are covered, and I will seek to rest in the arms of the Father, knowing his provision is far better than my own. 

Still Faithful

I wrote previously about the faithfulness of our Father, but I continue to ponder and think, continue to be amazed... and so grateful. One thing that I failed to mention about the time during which Tyler did not have a job- we had in our savings account, enough for 1/2 of one months' bills (ie what Tyler would normally contribute in one month). Nothing more. That amount remained untouched for a year and a half, until the last month between Ty's last paycheck from contract work, and his first paycheck at his new job. It covered the one month gap where he would receive no income, perfectly.

Still Faithful.

In October I awoke one night with shooting pain in my abdomen. I remember debating whether or not to go to the ER because of the pain I was in. Deciding that I had no desire to spend $100 to be seen, I opted to lie very very still until morning when my doctor's office opened. I called them as soon as they were open and asked how quickly there was an opening. They had one 20 minutes later. By this point, the pain in my lower abdomen was such that it hurt to sit down, it hurt to stand up, and walking was extremely painful. Upon arriving in the office I was seen by the Nurse Practitioner in my doctor's office. I explained my symptoms, and after carefully pressing on my belly (which caused me to groan and writhe) she asked if I would be willing to get a CT at the hospital because she was worried I may have appendicitis. 30 minutes later I was sent for CT at Jewish Hospital. Once there, I had to drink very nasty oral contrast (yes, I plugged my nose like a child to avoid the taste :) ), and wait an hour and a half for it to get in my system. On my way to Jewish, I had called Ty and updated him on the situation. He asked me to let him know the results of the CT, saying that if I were to indeed have appendicitis, he would come join me. About 20 minutes after drinking the yucky contrast, while waiting on my CT, Ty arrived. He told me that he had called his boss (Ed) to update him on the fact that he may have to leave, pending my results. Ed then asked what he was working on, and asked him why he was still at work, instead of on the way to the hospital to be with me. Ty stammered that he didn't know, and was quickly instructed to do so. Blessing.

Not long later, I was taken back to have the CT performed. At this point, my pain was increasing, and the act of lying down on the "bed" was quite excruciating. Following the CT, I returned to the waiting room to sit with Ty while the doctor reviewed the results. Suddenly, the doctor appeared in the waiting room. I stood up to talk to him (with minimal grimacing) and he informed Ty and I that it was not appendicitis, but in fact looked like either an ectopic pregnancy or ovarian cyst. He stated that he was trying to get in touch with my doctor for continuity of care, etc, etc. As he was explaining this, I began seeing black and white dots, felt heat rising up my body and got dizzy. I apologized and sat down, Tyler later told me that in that moment, all blood drained from my face. The last thing I remember was the doctor calling for a wheelchair and stating "never mind, we are taking you to the ER". I awoke to being moved to a wheelchair and heading towards the ER. As I arrived in a room, I began dry heaving. The nurses quickly put IV's of saline in my arm and drew blood to determine if I was pregnant with an ectopic pregnancy or had a cyst. As the saline got in my body, the dry heaving ceased. The doctor gave me pain medication, and for a while, I simply sat with Ty, waiting on results. Then they came. The doctor informed me that it was in fact an ovarian cyst, and it appeared as though it had ruptured. Now my body needed to heal, and I would be placed on bed rest. This was a HUGE blessing. The risk of an ectopic pregnancy was scary, and if the cyst had not ruptured, they would have attempted surgery to remove it. Instead, my body was able to heal with just some rest, and not risk scarring that could prevent future pregnancy.

Still Faithful.

Finally, in the midst of all of this, we moved last winter to a new community group, who, in the midst of Tyler not having a job, surrounded us, loved us, accepted us, and encouraged us. The guys drew close to Ty even as he was having to travel, and the ladies gave me much needed support in a extremely stressful situation. They rejoiced greatly with us when Ty got a job, and have continued to be people that we share life with, and treasure their friendship.

STILL FAITHFUL.

In the midst of stress, trials, and so much more. HE is still Faithful.